Bitter Sweet Coffee

Bunga tanjung putih berseri
Kembang jelita harum baunya
Gagah sungguh pohonmu berdiri
Tegap rimbun gagah perkasa

Harum jelita si bunga suci
Idaman dara gadis rupawan
Sangat sombongnya bungamu menari
Melenggang-lenggok dihujung dahan

Walaupun engkau si bunga tanjung
Hiasan sanggul gadis rupawan
Tiadalah kamu sangat beruntung

Bagai melati
Bagai melati dilembah sana
Lihatlah senyuman kembang melati
Disunting kelana hati…
Di lembah sunyi

Lihatlah pula bunga teratai
Dijunjung musafir lambai melambai

Sungguh nasibmu si bunga tanjung
Bagai cahaya ditutup mendung
Tiadalah tangan menyunting kamu
Menunggu gugur di angin lalu
Malang dudukmu di dahan tinggi
Kini bertabur di atas bumi

What I Hate About You

I hate it when i do the cute things you would not respond to my efforts
I hate it when i have to tell you to bring me to the movies
I hate it when i have say the things just to make you jealous
 - that you would do things
 - that you would say things
 - that you would hold me tight

I hate it when i have to put my ear close to you because i cant hear
I hate it when i look at you, you seem to look through me
I hate it when i stay up all night to talk you made it seem; 
 - that i dont make time in the day
 - that i dont love you aside from the bedroom
 - that i dont feel like it do when we first met

I hate it when i sing my favourite song you laugh not with but at me
I hate it when i cant spend my time with my people out of our circle
I hate it when i talk about poetry you roll your eyes and say i dont know
 - that Christina Rossetti’s Song does not translate
 - that Shakespeare’s sonnets are just words
 - that William Blake’s Abstract are just too uninviting

But the thing that i hate most is that i dont hate you
Not one bit…
Not even one shred…

Hmm… and just for the addition of not having to catch, Life has decided that it would be interesting have a little emotional drama.

I guess if i were to start the story then i would have to start from the beginning.

Phoenix and I has this agreement it okay to be with someone also as it nothing but fooling around. the agreement was to have toys, this was brought because an issue that made this into a solution. it work for awhile but after that we made it exclusive because we dont want it anymore… but something happened… and made me decide that probably it was best to just keep the choice open.

Mind you without pointing fingers… i have to stand my point i may look like the flirtatious type but i dont swing like that.

Anyway… going more into a recent matter… there is person that comes in the scene that was supposed to be nothing than a toy (a really rough word to describe it but hey that was the term used). Actually he was not welcome at all into my scene… but for me heck with it, whatever is whatever right?

But it was not succesful… when the morning came and Phoenix went to work - he and I suddenly became the bestest of friends. i took him as a brother because of knowing deep inside me feel close to him.

Days follows and we became more and more of a twin, and the feeling became more and more stronger.

I begin to coin the term Blood, where he is now a level where no friends been.

But behind the scene Phoenix however thought that there was something going on - he had the right to because for a brief moment there was a clash of feeling but it ended. Now Ah Tee and I are now close because there is a connection that we have as… brothers

Actually like sisters… you know how sisters are… so close to each other in a very platonic way… that is how i see it.

Now to just justify this…

Because i will not lose My heart or My Blood… its not one of the other

Woah…

When i say that i acknowledge that this year will be fill with unexpected turns and twist i didnt realize that really that it was for real.

Now how do i start?

Basically i took in a brother was originally i hated when i first met. Actually Phoenixlancer had the affection for him but when the next day came i got talking to him and i found that he was so cool of a person. We clicked in so many ways  that after that i took him in as my brother…

In the due course of time, we became stonger and we developed a platonic relationship

We are childish, we are wild… we are 22 years old…

I guess the only main reason that i revert into this stage is mainly because i skipped childhood and jumped into adulthood. then a person of my age (i kind of lost contact with all my friends from school, and the ones i do keep in contact is off in london, america and india).

It is definitely cool to behave my age…

But i didnt know that wanting to be could hurt my partner…

It became a competition for affection for him and also it makes it hard because i will not choose between two, both is import

There are times when i feel that i want to go to town and pick fights with the people down there. To have my fist onto someone’s face and her them howling with pain, thinking that they were the meanest and the worst… then the last image they will see the young boy that is now taking out his cleaver to…

Okay graphic info i know…

But this the other side that i know that no one knows…

Do you guys agree that there are something that you just have to do with someone else?

Despite my gentle nature i do have a darker side, i am a hunter that walks at times alone.

Now i have protege… let see how this works out.

Yes… Ladies and gentlemen!

When i thought that everything was finished, that everything in my life has reached it fullest weird moment for the year, life decided that why not we take it a bit more?

Okay… I took sometime off work to come back to the village … please remove the idea of the beautiful scenic picture of Pulau Redang, if anything my village should be called Pulau Sampah,  seriously by the rate of people throwing things down the water - mutations are just around the corner.

Anyways enough about my village…

When i reach home, i saw my Niece… her name is Erra (i know the mom is not creative). I just cannot believe that 6 months has gone and pass and this is to her her first time to see me. I just cannot take the feeling that i have let myself be consume by my own journey that i left parts of my life behind.

The Mum walks in all smiling “your sis took the other daughter to the hospital because of Asma attack”

Sigh…

Then I took Mum for shopping and turns out that my pay is not yet out… fuck… so i too up the last 200 from my bank accounts. After everything it was okay though… i mean i like it when Mum is happy

Upon reaching down i was greeted by Mother who was sitting convieniently on the porch, “Come here later… i have something to tell you”

So i did…

“The wedding is on the 3rd of February, so please do try to…” Mother went on and on to tell why i should go to this wedding, with her eyes all glassy and whanot.

something is up

Apparently the people who have been living in the house have been not paying the utility bills. So i took out my wallet and i gave everything to the woman that gave me life, i ran out and drove like crazy.

Anger

Frustration

And the forever feeling of blood lust…

Flash Back

“Why do you have to act to girly! act like a real man!” Sister’s word reiterates again and again as she shamed me in front of everyone that Hari Raya. her sharp laugher echoes as i look down at my empty glass, too afraid to move - to afraid to live…

I wonder whether this will haunted them in the end…

I THINK IT JUST DID….

It used to be that life was all about trying to think the most witty reason why the homework was not done, for those who are curious on all the reason that i gave to my teachers are as follows

The reigning ones are…

my cats tried to eat it… but it was way too hard to digest
i did tried to do the homework but it was Buffy playing…
Homework? are you sure you told us to do it? Come on Seriously

But that all gone down the drain when i did not make it to UBD,i would have to admit that it was also one of the greatest things that ever happened to me.

Not going to UBD and dealing with people that is Uber Useless in Following the system.

I will tell you guys the story one of these days but for now i am to concentrate on how life is a crappy writer.

well life is a crappy writer….

there is not a moment in time when i think about how people up there are laughing at the stupid that happens to me everytime. Mind you its not about being forgetful or lazy but it more of things happen without unto me without for no good reason

Example?

Getting a cut from doing the dishes

Losing my car… yes my car… Not the keys but the actual car

The most beautiful i would have to admit is not being able to catch…

Yes there are more important things to worry about, but think about of living life not being able to catch at all.

Sigh…

I think better leave it here because i get tearful